Good Morning USA!

[ed. note: due to the glories of blogspot, while this post was written at about 11am yesterday I am only now able to post it.]

Miss me?  I missed you.  Excuse the cheeky tone but I’m about 30 hours into this day, have had 2 breakfasts, a lunch, a dinner, 3 flights and it is still not yet noon. Apparently if you are a smart ass long enough, and you work at it hard enough then the BS you spew becomes true.  I have in fact become a Time Lord.  Eat your heart out Dan.

Here is what I have to say for my adventures of the last 30 hours:  a) All the signs look the same in Bali, Taipei, Tokyo, and Honolulu airports,  b) The new Adele albums is awesome, c) the Taipei airport is the best of those listed above because it is the only one where I got free internet and could download the Adele album, d) there is nothing better, NOTHING, than an overnight flight where you are the only person in your row. 

A few days ago my friend Katie Carroll (who was supposed to be my travel companion for part of this trip but is in fact an incredible slacker and therefore is just now headed Asia way) asked for advice about Bali.  What was worth it, what wasn’t, etc.  So here is a primer for all who may be planning a visit, or not.

Balinese Etiquette:

1)      The car horn – The car horn (or bike, or big truck, what have you) is used often though never in anger.  In Bali it is used as a greeting and a gentle warning.  It says “Hello scooter. I see you and I am going to go around you so don’t make any sudden moves.”  It is a comfort and just a little heads up.  Brilliant in theory and mostly brilliant in practice.  Mostly?  There are a number of different sounds to horns from the comical to the thunderous.   When the Balinese equivalent of a mac truck blares its train-esque call at you the idea of a gentle warning to not move is pretty well blown as you have jumped a foot off the bike through a pothole.

2)      Never do anything in public with your left hand if you can help it.  They are thought to be unclean.  It has to do with this being a country devoid of toilet paper.

3)      Spitting on sidewalks is allowed, though people do try to spit in the grass instead.  Still the left hand is taboo.

4)      There are no such thing as “personal” questions in Bali.  A woman (me) can and will be asked repeatedly if she is married.  If the answer is no the subject will NOT be dropped.  Boyfriend?  No.  Why no boyfriend? Fight the urge to say something smartass.  They are not mocking you.  Or they are at least not mocking you on purpose.  Even when the group of teenagers on the beach (who followed up this line of questioning with asking me my age)  sang “30 30 30” at me in Indonesian they were not mocking me.  Per se.  Also, if you are seen eating with your left hand they will ask you to use your right hand.  Just so you know.

5)      If you are white they will tell you so.  Many times I was told I was white. They don’t know the fine distinction of the word pale. For the record, I am a tawny amber for my people.

6)      If you are white it is very likely that at random times people will ask to take pictures with you.  Go with it.  It is excellent practice for later in life stardom and dealing with paparazzi.  It is also good for the ego when you feel like an old unmarried left handed white lady.

There is much more to know about Bali of course, but you should really just go and find out for yourself.  Besides I’m sitting on a bench in Hawaii soaking up the sun so I really have better things to do just now.

xoxo